Feeling Behind in Your 20s? COVID May Be Part of the Reason

If you're between 20 and 26 right now, COVID may have shortchanged you during some of the most important years of your life.

Those were supposed to be the years when you practiced becoming an adult with other people your age. Going to college. Getting your first real job. Dating. Making new friends. Going places without your parents. Making mistakes and learning how to recover from them.

Then life stopped.

Classes moved online. Plans disappeared. Friend groups fell apart. People spent most of their time at home and interacted through screens. Some became anxious or depressed. Others got so used to being alone that leaving the house and talking to people started feeling harder than it should.

Then the world opened again, and everyone was expected to pick up where they left off.

But you can't miss two or three years of practice and expect it to have no effect.

Now, a lot of people in their early 20s are looking around and wondering:

Why don't I have a career yet?

Why have I never been in a relationship?

Why does everyone else seem more confident than me?

Why do I still feel like a teenager?

The funny thing is, so many people your age are asking the same questions. They just don't know everyone else is struggling too.

You look at someone who seems confident, social and successful and assume they have life figured out. Meanwhile, they may be looking at you and thinking the same thing.

You're not broken. You may just need more practice.

There's a big difference between being incapable and being inexperienced.

If you never had much practice talking to new people, of course it feels awkward.

If you've never had a relationship, of course dating feels intimidating.

If you haven't applied for many jobs, rejection may feel more personal than it really is.

That doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means you haven't had enough repetitions yet.

You're not necessarily behind in ability. You may just be behind in practice.

And the good news is that it's not too late to make the necessary changes.

Confidence and self-esteem are the key

A lot of people wait until they feel confident before they start doing things. Unfortunately, confidence usually doesn't work that way.

Confidence grows after you start doing things and realize you can handle them.

You build confidence by applying for the job even though you might not get it. You get better at talking to people by having conversations that may feel awkward at first. You learn how to date by going on dates, even the bad ones. You learn to trust yourself by making your own decisions.

Every time you do something uncomfortable and survive it, you give yourself proof that you're capable.

Self-esteem matters too. If you constantly tell yourself that you're behind, unattractive, awkward or not good enough, you'll start carrying that belief everywhere you go. Other people may feel that insecurity before they ever get the chance to know you.

That doesn't mean you need to become a completely different person. It means you need to start treating yourself like someone worth taking care of.

Don't try to fix everything at once

When people feel behind, they usually create a huge plan to change their entire life.

They're going to find a job, lose weight, make friends, start dating, move out and become a whole new person by next month.

That usually lasts about three days.

Start smaller.

Apply for one job.

Drink more water.

Start moving your body.

Find a hobby you actually enjoy: preferably something that gets you out of the house and around the same people regularly.

Have one conversation without worrying about whether the other person thinks you're interesting.

Make one decision without asking five people what they think first.

These things may not seem big enough to change your life, but each one helps rebuild your confidence and self-esteem. Every small action becomes proof that you can show up for yourself.

Stop using other people's lives as your deadline

You're going to see people your age getting married, buying homes, building careers and having children.

That doesn't mean you missed your chance.

It also doesn't mean they have everything figured out.

Don't rush into a relationship just because you've never had one. Don't let your family pressure you into marriage because they think you're behind. Don't take just any job so you can say you have one.

Moving quickly isn't always the same as moving forward.

The goal isn't to catch up with everybody else. The goal is to build a life that actually feels like yours.

You can still build the life you want

You can't get those exact years back, but you can still learn everything you didn't get the chance to practice.

You can still make friends.

You can still have your first relationship.

You can still find a career, move away from home, discover what you enjoy and become more comfortable with yourself.

Your start may have been delayed, but your life is not over.

Stop treating your lack of experience like proof that you can't do something. You may simply need more practice than someone who got an earlier start.

Pick one part of your life that feels stuck and do one small thing about it this week.

Not a complete transformation.

Just one rep.

Then do another.

Still not sure where to start?

Knowing you need to change something and knowing what to do first are two different things.

An ImHurd Decision Blueprint helps you untangle what's keeping you stuck, look honestly at your real options and figure out what to do next.

You'll receive a personalized, practical plan built around your actual situation, not generic advice or a motivational speech.