Online Dating Is Basically an Escape Room 😂

"I don't think online dating was supposed to be this complicated."

At this point, I feel like I'm less interested in whether we're compatible and more interested in whether your profile is based in reality.

Can we start there?

Because some of y'all are making this harder than it has to be.

The "I'm Eating a Cheeseburger" Photo

Can somebody explain this one?

Why are you introducing yourself with a mouth full of food?

I'm trying to decide if I want to spend time getting to know you…

…and you're halfway through a plate of chicken wings.

Is this supposed to tell me something?

"Look… I consume calories."

Good.

I was hoping you did.

I don't need proof.

If you absolutely must include a restaurant picture…

Finish chewing first.

The Archaeological Dig

Some dating profiles deserve carbon dating.

You meet someone in person and immediately think…

"Who is this?"

Then you start scrolling through their pictures again.

"Ohhh…

This picture was taken during the Obama administration."

Listen…

There's nothing wrong with getting older.

We're all doing it.

But if your profile picture was taken before Netflix started making original shows…

…it's time.

The Benjamin Button Profiles

Some people are working overtime trying to convince us they're 25.

Sir…

Your profile says you're 57.

That's perfectly fine.

Why are you dressed like you're headed to freshman orientation?

At some point you have to stop fighting your age and start becoming the best version of it.

Confidence ages well.

Desperation doesn't.

The Sunglasses Collection

I know your eyes are beautiful.

Or at least I assume they are.

Because every single picture has sunglasses.

Car sunglasses.

Beach sunglasses.

Motorcycle sunglasses.

Wedding sunglasses.

Nighttime sunglasses.

At this point I'm convinced you're either in witness protection…

…or hiding from child support.

Just one picture.

One.

Without looking like you're avoiding facial recognition software.

The Mystery Profile

One picture.

No bio.

No interests.

No prompts.

Nothing.

What exactly am I supposed to fall in love with?

Your silhouette?

The Group Photo Olympics

Five people in every picture.

Which one are you?

By picture number six I'm playing detective.

"Okay…

The guy in the blue shirt disappeared.

The tall one changed.

The woman holding the margarita is in every picture…

I think that's her."

Dating shouldn't require forensic analysis.

The Gym Philosopher

Mirror selfie.

Mirror selfie.

Mirror selfie.

Mirror selfie.

Quote underneath:

"Just ask."

No.

You had six pictures to tell us something about yourself.

Instead I know your gym has excellent lighting.

Then There's Me…

I'll admit…

I've caught myself overthinking my own profile.

"Is this picture too serious?"

"Too many selfies?"

"Do I look approachable?"

"Should I smile more?"

Then I remember…

If someone only likes a version of me that I had to manufacture…

They're not actually choosing me.

They're choosing marketing.

Final thoughts

Maybe that's the strangest thing about online dating.

We're all trying to convince strangers we're normal…

using one hundred carefully selected photos taken over ten years…

while hoping nobody notices the contradictions.

No wonder everyone's exhausted.

Maybe the best profile isn't the funniest…

or the youngest…

or the most polished.

Maybe it's just the one that looks like the person who's actually going to show up.

Because eventually…

The filters come off.

The old pictures run out.

The chicken wings get eaten.

And all that's left…

…is two people hoping the real version is enough.

Continue the conversation

Sometimes the funniest part of dating isn't the dates, it's needing someone to laugh about it with afterward.

If you've got a story, a screenshot, or a "you're not going to believe this profile" moment, you don't have to keep it to yourself.

Real people. Real conversations. No judgment. Just a chance to talk it through with someone.

Start a conversation →

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